Feeling a little bit sick...

Need. It’s a strong word and so often confused for “want.” Sometimes the difference between the two is so slight that it takes prayerful discernment to know which is which. It is something that we wrestle with a lot—as I’m sure you all do.

So to say I feel that we need a bigger home is something that I don’t say lightly. And I know that I could be wrong (I did say feel, not know. I do know that I want!) And it’s not because I’m worldly (at least, I think I’m not) but rather because I LOVE my children so much, and really feel it is in their best interest to have a little more space!

It’s something we have talked about since we moved here just under three years ago. At the time, we had four children. Now we have six, going on seven. Or (cough cough) maybe more…

Don’t get me wrong, I LOVE our home. It serves us well. I love our beautiful, fenced in back yard that the kiddos can play in. I love love love our neighbors! But having three boys share one small room is getting a little tight. And feeling like I want my kids to be out of the kitchen while I’m preparing dinner just because I’m getting claustrophobic isn’t my style. (Our kitchen is more apartment-sized.) And when you add the 5-6 neighbor children that are in and out on a daily basis, it can be a bit overwhelming.

We feel like that NOW, so how are we going to feel after we’ve added to our family AND the kiddos begin to turn into teenagers? (:

I know that most families throughout the world would give anything to have our home, so it seems selfish of me to even think about wanting anything more. And I promise you, I am so grateful for what we do have. But we do have some significant special needs. One example—two daughters who are blind and could benefit so much from a large playroom fitted to their specific abilities.

And so we have been window shopping for the last year or so! I say window shopping, because we knew we couldn’t afford to buy. But we’ve had so much fun looking around and dreaming, and hey—it’s a free date! As we’ve looked, we’ve realized what we want and what we don’t and have decided that for our particular family, building would be the best option.

Just a couple of months ago, we found IT. The PERFECT lot. We love it. A LOT. (Ha, ha). And we love it more each time we go there (which has gotten to be almost every day.) It has the most amazing view of the valley. It is on a culdesac—so wonderful when you have lots of kids and especially for those with special needs. It’s in a quiet neighborhood. The back of the lot backs up to a hill that is zoned as an area that cannot be built on, which not only provides lots of fun for the kiddos, but a gorgeous view that will never be hampered by someone building in back of us. Best of all, we feel so good about it when we pray.

I can’t tell you how much I love this place.

So much, in fact, that we decided to go out on a limb and see if we could get approved for financing. We knew it would be at least a couple of years before we could afford to build, but we just LOVE this place. (Have I mentioned that?) We have shopped around and feel like there is not a better place for our family. We were prepared to settle. We had visions of grandchildren exploring the hill. (:

So we were THRILLED to find out that we were actually approved for the loan!!

And DEVASTATED when we learned that that same day, someone else had put in an offer and it had been verbally accepted.

And THRILLED when the owners decided to put that offer on hold and give us a chance, as they loved our family and our story.

And THRILLED to find that our closing date was this coming Friday.

And THRILLED each time we drove there and realized what a blessing this lot could be for our family.

And DEVASTATED when today we received the appraisal from the bank. It has appraised for much less than the asking price. Over $100,000 less than what it appraised for last year. Gotta love this economy. It is so tough, because we do believe that their asking price is fair, considering the area, view, land in the back that cannot be built on, etc. And there are now TWO other offers from people who also think it’s fair and are willing to pay it. Even if it’s not FAIR, we like it enough that we still want it, but we cannot get financing for the full amount because the appraisal came in so low.

We’re just, oh… $40,000 short.

Leaving us feeling a little numb.

This lot that we have fallen in love with will likely not be ours.

So, if you don’t mind, say a little prayer that we will figure something out. Like, soon. As in, tonight.

Ugh.