It started last week when I took Jesi on her Mommy Date. We rented a movie from Redbox, went to dinner, and then went to Kohl’s to exchange sizes on a cute birthday gift she’d been given. While in Kohl’s, my eyes wandered over to the little girls’ section, and I thought, “Oh, I want to buy something for Lexi and Sophi!” I haven’t as yet purchased anything for either of them. I think in the back of my mind I had just kept thinking that we have most things we’ll need, since we’ve already had girls their sizes.
As I looked around trying to decide what to get, I all of a sudden began to panic. I was realizing that I am completely unprepared for these two sweet girls! Yes, I do have a few hand-me-downs left for Sophi, though we have given away most clothes in her size, and Lexi will be the same size as Elli—but that doesn’t mean that we are at all ready! Jammies, jackets, coats, shoes, socks, shirts, pants, dresses, bedding, diapers, strollers, toys, AGH… I left Kohl’s feeling very overwhelmed and carrying one jacket and one outfit. (And also wondering, by the way, if I should be cutting out the sleeves and sewing them shut for Sophi to keep her warm in the winter-- any thoughts?)
Since that night I have awoken every day in a state of panic. Seriously, my heart at times begins to beat out of my chest. I think that I had just been so excited to hold my newest little girls that I hadn’t really faced reality.
Don’t worry—I am facing it now.
I am going through all the things that I need to do before we travel to China. I am thinking of all the deep cleaning that I should do to get ready. I am thinking of all the things that I need to purchase and the money it will cost. I am realizing that we need to really get hunting for our 12-15 passenger van. I am trying to figure out where to put everyone and where to hang everyone’s clothes and how to make it all work. I am contemplating all of the medical appointments and adjusting and sleeplessness that we will soon be facing. I am coming to grips with the fact that Christmas is coming soon and that I need to get my shopping done before China. And that I will be shopping for EIGHT kids.
I am feeling like I need to throw-up.
So it came as a sweet and much needed surprise when my sweet neighbor called today and asked if she could give me a shower for our newest additions! Somehow it seemed to take a huge load off my chest—just knowing that there are friends out there willing to help and support and celebrate with us. I mean, of course I knew that—I have the sweetest friends and family—but it just reminded me of it at the perfect time. And it makes me so excited to think of having a few new things to dress the girlies in without the guilt of spending money while trying to get a new (used) van and contemplating travel expenses.
So, today I just wanted to express my gratitude for thoughtful friends and a loving Heavenly Father who reminded me that I’m not in this alone.
I will try not to panic anymore…
Deep breath…
