Missing Her Already

Yesterday I took Graci and Cali to get their passports so they can come on our trip to China this spring.  Graci's passport expired in January.  Cali has never had a US passport.  Taylor and Parker are going as well, but their passports are still current.  

But there was a big, empty hole in my heart as I prepared the paperwork for the two girls.  Jessica isn't coming with us.  The last three times we've gone to China, Jessica has been a perfect part of the trip.  She is a wonderful little traveler.  It's been a time to bond with her.  In fact, China just won't be the same without her.  I called Christi in.  "Are you sure Jessica can't come with us?"

"Well, it's pretty expensive."

"I know, but I'm not sure I can survive without her there."  Tears started to well up in my eyes.  I love that little girl so much.

My sensitive (and wise) wife said, "Well, we could go ask Jesi how she feels."

"OK."

We went into Jesi's room and called her name.  A little face popped out of the window in her princess tower.  "What?"

Christi asked her how she felt about staying with Grandma while we were in China.  She's so excited.  She loves her grandparents and wants to be with them.  I asked her if she did have a choice to go to China or stay with Grandma what she would choose.  She couldn't decide.  When I asked her why, one of the things she brought up was that it wouldn't be fair if she went because she's been so many times.  What a sweetheart.

And so I left for the passport application office with bittersweet emotions.  So glad my sweet older girls are coming.  So glad my two wonderful older boys will be with me.  But still unable to wrap my head around this trip without my perfect little Jessica.

I love her so!

-Jer

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