This morning was a tough one with Elli. She was in full angry screams mode. The other kids were wary to steer clear as I got Elli up and took her to the bathroom. Multiple times she aggressively grabbed my arms hard enough to hurt. She rarely bites anymore, but she will pull your hand to her mouth and smash it against her teeth. She is strong enough to inflict pain in a variety of ways. Externally I was extremely patient and caring. Internally it was a struggle. I asked her if she wanted to eat upstairs or in her room and she verbalized "room." Despite that decision it was a bit of a challenge to get her to her room, but I did. Her wet sheets were still on her bed, so I had to put her on her old, worn out mattress while I changed the sheets and sterilized the plastic mattress cover. She screamed for awhile and then went into an even higher gear of rage. She angrily got up and headed to the piano in her room and took out her anger on the keys for a minute or two before calming down. I left her there as I made fried eggs and brought them down. I helped her eat and also gave her a "rescue med," prescribed to help her calm down in her most agitated moments.
With a clean sheet on the mattress, I helped her lay down, got her pillow and beloved 'purple blanket' and tried to get her settled. "Daddy to sit by you," she said. I replied, "Do you want daddy to lay down by you on the mattress?" "Yes." So I laid down and cuddled her. Soon she let out another agitated scream. I started to get up and said, "Elli, if you scream, I can't stay with you." Again she said, "Daddy to sit by you." I told her she couldn't scream any more and laid down by her. She was calm for a few minutes and then began to scream. Once again I started to get up but she quickly said, "Daddy to sit by you." I told her I would stay one more time, but if she screamed again I would leave. As I cuddled up to her she said, "Play Someone You Love." I didn't know that song by name, but figured she knew what she was asking for. I asked Alexa to play Someone You Love and sure enough, it is a popular Lewis Capaldi song. As the beautiful intro started playing and I immediately recognized it, I was suddenly struck by the thought that this was Elli's way of saying, "I love you, Dad."
I am grateful to be "someone you love" to our sweet Elli.
